An Update....

Today was a good day. I know that's not very descriptive, but there you have it.

Today my wife and I stood at the same alter where we stood 5 and a half years ago to profess our love and be married, and we baptised our little girl. The service this time was considerably smaller. We only had about 4 couples show up other than us, but they were all close friends and family. The Deacon who performed the ceremony was exceptionally cool (as it turns out, he was a student of my father's from way back). He invited everyone up on the alter to stand around, and participate in, the baptism. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shinning perfectly through several large stained glass windows, and there was enough clear glass to provide natural sunlight as well. The effect was quite simply, stunning. My wife said that she enjoyed holding my daughter and being able to watch my little girl's face in the reflecting waters of the baptismal basin. It was truly a joyous feeling to be standing up there with "my girls".

I still haven't done the end of semester projects. The car has been returned to me after only a single repair (a bad oxygen sensor is what they told me, and as a weird note, my electrical problems were on a 2000 Jeep Cherokee, so maybe it's a problem with the brand). It seems to be running fine now (knock on wood). I've accepted that my house is my home, and although I will want to move, I shouldn't be in a hurry to do it. I will have better results if I work towards it as a goal than if I jump at it without thinking. My fighting, well, what can I say. Sometimes I should listen to my own advice. I have to stop and ask why I play this game. It's not about being knighted (although that would be nice). It's about being the best I can be, while at the same time (and this is the important part) having fun while doing it. There's a great group of people that I fight with. I have fun when I get to play with them. I need to work on getting better, but I shouldn't sacrifice my joy of the fight in order to try and get better (that usually never works out well).

In short (if it's possible for me to be brief), my mood is better. It's not where I want it to be, but it's much better. A day on an alter in colorful and beautiful light with family and friends and love...that will help any bad mood.

You ever get in one of THOSE moods....

Yeah, there's not good reason for it, I'm just in a bad mood. The problem is that I'm not coming out of it. It has been about a week now, and I am firmly lodged in a slump.

I'm several weeks away from the end of my last true semester of classes for my Masters (one independent study and one thesis to go after this). There are two major projects that I need to finish in that time, and I just can't bring myself to get motivated to do them. As usual, I will pull them outta my rear end in the last minute and turn in a sub standard project. Given the quality (or lack thereof) of my program, I'll probably still get a decent grade, but I'm not sure that should be the point of a graduate program. I would like to do more than "just get by".

One of my vehicles just went into the shop tonight for an electrical problem (Hey Don, how's that banner coming). I've had a check engine light on for a few months and occasionally, the gauges just die (the car continues to run fine). Sometimes, the car won't start if you turn the key, but if you wait long enough, the aux. power eventually kicks in and then the car starts just fine. I'm afraid this is going to be one of those "Well let's try replacing THIS and see if it fixes it. Oh, that didn't work, well bring it back in and we'll try fixing THAT and see if it fixes it". I really don't want it to become one of those progressively more and more expensive repairs. The car just really isn't worth that much.

On another front, I now have proof (soft of) that I suck at fighting. There's an online forum that I occasionally read. One of the topics of this forum recently was "who are the best unbelts in your kingdom". I didn't get mentioned once. I have no problem with any of the people who were mentioned. I respect each and every one of them. On the flip side, I have beaten most of them in tournaments (or at least in bear pits). They beat me too, but that means I should be at least in the same general skill level as them, and apparently I'm not. Or at least nobody who posts to that forum from my Kingdom seems to think so. This wouldn't have effected me so much if I wasn't in this mood, but I am, and so, it does. Once school is done, I really need to start fighting again regularly. Not just fighting to fight, but fighting to improve. There's a HUGE difference between the two, and I have gotten lazy in the second half of this year.

Finally, I'm just not happy with my house. I haven't had the time to put into keeping it clean much less working on improving it. Last weekend I started looking at house ads in the weekend paper because I'm not happy in my current home. That's just an excuse really. I'm looking to replace my general depression with something "new". Hell, I've considered new cars, new houses, new computers anything to just give me something new to focus on, but that's just a diversionary tactic. I have to find a way to get out of the funk that I've fallen into.

The one bright spot is my daughter. She had a bad rash last weekend, and she dealt with it like a real tropper. Sure, she was a little more cranky than usual, but she was still a laughing little baby girl. She's crawling all over the place now, and she takes stairs like a champ. She clearly says "Ma Ma" (at least I can understand it clearly) and she may even say "Da Da", but that sounds more like she's just making noise. The happiness I do find these days is holding my little girl. It sounds corny, but it just happens to be true. I'll have to work on letting that happiness grow before the next time I post.